Saturday, April 26, 2008

My thoughts

Too much things happen in my life as an DT intern these days.. I just too busy to write all my thoughts in this blog...too many things came out into my mind.. too many questions with blur answers..too many things to support me getting lost my motivation..

I tried to write everything that happen to me.. but it seems like I stuck with something and it's really hard to tell everything that I feel these days.. even with this blog.. these days I tried to write everything that came up into my mind and all of them always being unfinished story..

I just getting lost when I found that bad things happen around me and I can't do anything to make it better.. I tried my best... I gave my opinions.. I do what I'm not supposed to do.. I sacrifice a lot of things.. And it doesn't work.. everything still same like before.. getting fall into the deepest part.. without effort to make it better.. I'm sad because no one tried to learn from this.. no one has a passion to struggle for something that we wanna reach.. I believe everything will be the same if we are not tie our hands together..

Today we just decided to forget everything that make us sad.. then me and Suvarna went to China Town.. Suvarna bought a lot of gifts there.. And I bought a lot of new and unique foods there.. I bought Chinese Mochi, Japanese Mochi, and Tapioca.. hehehe.. Then we went to Analaksmi Restaurant.. It is Indian Restaurant.. There we can anything that we like and pay anything that we like.. In the beginning I couldn't believe this restaurant system.. I just think that they will have no profit because of this system. Some people might be eat a lot of foods and tthen pay less of money compared with what they eat.. I keep asking Suvarna about this several times.. Then I knew that this restaurant serve the best Indian foods that they can cook, they want to make every people that come there feeling happy after they eat the foods.. they don't care about the profit.. Poor people might not pay any foods that they eat.. and some people who have a lot money can pay more if they happy after eat the foods..and the balance will come through that way.. so nice..

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Sunshine After The Rain

Sunshine - Good times
I know we'll be fine

Woke up this morning another brand new start
Felt so alive I jumped with every beat of my heart
When you came over I could see something was wrong
It really isn't worth that you just get to keep moving alone

You know that I'll always be there

I'll be your sunshine after the rain
When the sky is turning grey
you know that I'm never far away
Sunshine after the rain
Together 'til the end
Whenever you're in need of a friend
or a shoulder to cry on
someone there to rely on
I'll be your sunshine after the rain
It's the one thing I won't change

We know each other since I don't know how long
As long as I remember you were always there singing along
There have been some good times and it's even been some sad
But we always somehow managed
To get something good out of the bad

Remember – I'll always be there

Some say that friends will come and go
But this thing we have will always grow
It's this one of these things you know

Sunshine – Good Times
I know we'll be fine
Sunshine – Good Times
I know we'll be fine

Psst: For everyone who still remember this song.. I just wanna say I love u all.. Missing that beautiful moments.. This song gave me a lot of beautiful things to remember.. Thanks for Reita and the team who create the the Roll Dance of this song..

Friday, April 18, 2008

I talked about me..

I don't know what I should write rite now.. I think too much.. I have a lot of things on my mind.. Everything fighting inside of me and against each other.. I'm too tired to analyze what is best and what is worst.. I just don't want to do what other people think I need to do.. I'm struggling to find out about me, about what I want, and about what's best for me.. Even when I still don't know what to do then I just let it flow..

Sometimes I just stand here and don't want to move everywhere.. Just standing and keep quite.. Sometimes I push my self too hard and everything will be overloaded.. Sometimes I felt happy when I did the right thing and sometimes I felt terrible when I did the wrong thing.. And sometimes I felt nothing..

Assertiveness... This word always came out when I asked somebody to evaluate me.. I'm lack on this thing and I need to be more assertive.. That's what other people said about me.. I pushed my self to be more assertive, but then I felt that wasn't me at all.. If I still to be like this.. lack of assertiveness.. I won't be a better person.. I need to try harder for this..

The problem why I lack on this is because I always prioritize other people rather than my self.. I always wanna do something for other people and less of doing something that really good for my self.. I always wanna make other people happy and less of courage to make my self happy.. I think I need to think about my self more.. I need to understand more about my self.. understand really badly about what I want rather than always think about what I can do for other people..

No emotion.. that's the second word that people said when I asked them to evaluate my self. It's hard for me to show other people about my passion, my excitement, and etc.. It's hard for me to get mad to other people even when that people hurting me really badly.. I always keep everything inside.. my angriness, my happiness, and all my feeling.. I just feel like somebody who has her own world.. It's like there is a wall that really high between me and other people around me.. It's not good to keep everything inside.. I should learn to tell other people much things about me.. I should learn to express my feeling more and more and show it to other people.. yeah, I should learn to do it before everything that I keep inside for so long will be bursting one day..

I learn a lot and know a lot about understanding the different characteristics of other people, how the way they are thinking, how they will react in every condition, and etc.. I learn a lot and know a lot about that.. But, one thing that I miss is learning about my self and understanding about me deeply... I felt I know a lot about my self before, but then when I came here for my internship, I just realise that I know nothing about me.. I feel lost and starting again from the beginning to find the right direction for exploring my self.. I believe everything that happen to me now will bring me to a better place, better direction, and better way to achieve what I want in my life..

Okay.. it's good to be here.. A lot of things always come up into my mind.. A lot of things make me more really-really think.. A lot of things make me realize about everything that I never thought before..

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Jurong Bird's Park Expedition

I went to Jurong Bird Park with Suvarna and saw many birds attraction there.. It was nice and gave me new experience..

In every show they always gave messages about loving and caring the environment and the animals who living there.. Nice and inspirational..

Our first show was the talking birds.. She can introduce her self, count 1 to 10 in english and mandarin languages, and she can sang some songs like Mandarin Songs about love, Rasa Sayange, and Happy Birthday.. So funny..

Then we walked around and saw the next performance. It was feeding time for the penguins.. The penguins really remind me with Happy Feet movie where Mumble trapped in the Zoo and look so sad when he didn't have spirit to keep alive and when he missing his habitat with all his friends there.. then finally he found a hope through his happy feet to give a better place and better chance to live for all the penguins that living in his habitat.. he attracted all the people there to saw his feet performance and make these people aware with him and his living environment.. One of the Penguin really look like Mumble.. Just thinking are they feels like what Mumble felt when he trapped on that zoo.. Are they feeling sad to live there... living in a fake ice mountain and fake ocean.. which one will be better? living in the zoo where they have a place to live and enough foods to eat but doesn't have the freedom.. or.. living in their habitat that getting broken and there are not enough food for them? Each of these two option have positive and negative side.. But, I think it will be better if they live in their habitat and people more aware with the environment.. so, the penguins will be happily stay alive in their habitat and involve on keeping the food chain running normally..

The last show was the hawk performance.. It was the most interesting show there.. And challenging! The audiences can learn to love the hawk and getting closer and touch the hawk..

After those 3 shows we walked around and saw many kind of birds.. All of them are beautiful..
They have different type of beak, different color of feathers.. very beautiful.. I just thinking.. God must have a reason why He create them in different type and colors.. Each of the beak has their own function, every shape and color on that birds have the meaning and their own function.. Everything that created in this world has the meaning.. God create me like this with the specific meaning too.. And it's our task to discover what God's means with that and maximize it wisely..

Sunday, April 13, 2008

When is my birthday actually?

It's quite funny.. hehehe.. I just received sms from my dad, and he said that "I wish u a very happy birthday from far far away.. I always pray the best for u".. It's touchy actually.. but it's funny also.. My dad always believe that I born in 13th of April and not in 12th .. And he believe that my age is 25 now and not 24.. hahaha.. No wonder why he's the only one who not send birthday wishes yesterday.. And it's the first time he sms me birthday wishes.. So Sweet..

I just keep wondering the truth about my birthday.. In my birthday certificate it's shown that I was born in 12th of April in a very late at night around 11.58 pm I think.. But don't know why in all my dad's work documents, he always wrote 13th of April as my birthday.. It was written everywhere in my dad's office.. hehehe..

And one sad thing in each of my birthday celebaration these fiew years is my parents always pushing me to get married soon.. hahahaha.. I still don't know what to say this year.. I should make new strategies to avoid that! I still want to do a lot of things.. I just begin my real action for creating my future.. So this year is not the right time for me to get married.. hehehe.. And I think I still too young to get married even I know all my best friends already have their cute kids now.. And one more sad thing is my parents always available with their husband candidates for me, just in case that I still don't have a serious boyfriend to go to the further way.. Oh My God!!! Fiuh..!!

Last night I wanna come to a BBQ Party in LC NUS.. But I couldn't make it, because we are lost.. We came to another NUS campus, the smaller one.. and the BBQ Party was held in another campus in Clementi that far far away from the place where I got lost.. hehehe.. We didn't have any idea how to get there.. And when we phoned one of the OC, they didn't have any idea how to go to Prince George Park in another NUS campus.. hehehe.. So I asked Suvarna, another intern from India that getting lost with me, to go somewhere else that nice to visit.. We decided to go to Sim Lin.. But then we felt hungry when were on the bus to Sim Lin, so we got off in Newton Food Center.. One of the famous food center in Singapore.. We had our dinner there and celebrate my birthday.. After that we took the bus to Mustafa Centre, Little India just for hanging around.. and on the way back home, we took the wrong bus and got lost again.. hahaha.. We tried to figure out where we were and how to get back home.. and it was hard since it was at 11.45 pm and no one's there.. So walked around the street and waiting for the cab passing us and took us home.. hehehe.

Just thinking, every person must be always have the positive side.. In the past I tried so hard to find a positive side of every people... It was so hard when some people sometimes do something that make me feel hurt.. What always happen is the negative thinking always came out into my mind.. It was hard.. but time flies and tell me something about it.. give me learning until I know how to deal with this people.. So nice..

Just thinking again.. hehehe.. Everything about what people think about us is depend on our selves.. If we think that they ignore us.. what will happen is all these thought will direct us to the behaviour that make other people ignoring us.. If we think that other people like us, our mind will direct us to do something that make other people like us..

All the things that we need to do is be positive always: think positive, use positive words and behaviour, and focus with what we want to achieve.. (is it same with The Secret Book principle?)..

Saturday, April 12, 2008

My most meaningful Birthday!!

These questions always come out into my mind..
- Have u ever think about who you are?
- Have u been able to recognize about your characteristic, your nature, and understand deeply about your self?

Before I came in Singapore for my internship, I think I really know about my self.. I knew deeply about my self, about what I want in my life, and how I'm gonna reach it..
After I came here, everything changes.. I think I didn't know well about my self.. Don't know why I'm totally different with me before I came here.. I started to discover my self from the beginning.. Finding out about what I really want.. Facing confusing things and conflicts inside of me..

I think it was because I spend most of life in Indonesia in comfort area.. In area where I know everyhing well.. I know much of comfort places there.. I know a lot of nice people who did a lot of nice things for me.. I know how to face and handle every conflicts and situation there.. And I know what I should do for everything that happening in my life there..

Here, I live in new environment with different characteristics and different people that I never knew before.. Sometimes it's hard when I'm trying to really get out from my comfort zone.. It's hard and takes time..

Every single day I learn how to face the different characteristic of people.. how to be sensitive with culture differences.. how to be more patient.. how to control my emotions..how to be more open to critics and suggestion that develop my self.. how to react with any situations.. how to make my self happy.. how to enjoy my loneliness when I feel stuck with something.. how to cook and create new simple foods.. I learn how to give my highest performance during my internship here.. and separating between personal and professional business..

Sometimes I feel hurt when I don't have opportunity to share my opinion.. when somebody fooling me when I'm asking about something that I don't understand.. Be a very strange people because of my introvert characteristics.. I'm ok with that.. I believe there is something to learn from every pain that happen to me.. there is always happiness that comes and make me smile.. Hmm.. just thinking.. I think I have a lot of beautiful moments here than bad moments.. Anyway.. I'm very gratefull with all the things that happen in my life.. For every opportunity that given to me.. For every people that come into my life and learn me something good .. for every happiness and pain.. Thanks for everything, my lovely God.. you give me a very great life more than that I expected before.. you give me opportunity to reach something big that I never imagine before..

I feel my life has change.. I think this is what AIESEC means with a life changing experience.. And I almost close to it.. When I'm back to Indonesia, I believe that I will be totally different.. Different in terms of how I see everything around me, how I understand other people with all the differences, how I see my whole life and how I'm gonna move on and facing all the challenges.. I think I'm much more ready than before on facing what will be happen on my life..

O ya.. thanks for everyone who celebrating my days.. thanks for phoned me or smsing me at 12.01 am until now.. just for saying happy birthday and wishing all the best for me .. It means a lot, especially for me who live far far away from my comfort area.. hehehehehe.. It's saved me and makes me feel stronger.. Thanks everyone!!!!

I just received sms from my brother, and it's the most touchy birthday wish for today.. The tears suddenly come out from my eyes.. (actually I need this..hehehe.. since it's been very long time I never cried)
He said: "Whhoiii.. Good Morning!! Happy birthday my sista! I'm the happiest person in the world and very grateful to have a sista like u..wish u all the best.. Keep on struggle on reaching ur dreams since u put me on ur beautiful dreams..hehehe.. I believe u can make it! And I'm here for supporting u and wishing u all the best! Good luck my sista!" (it's soooo nice..!!!)
Thanks my lovely brother for always reminding me about my dreams and our dreams.. I know together we can achieve it..

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I love to get lost


Today I went to Ministry of Manpower Singapore to take my TEP (Training Employment Pass). I woke up so late, so I arrived there at 11.00 and I've got queue number: 728.. I was getting bored there.. When I passed the room, the queue number still 306.. And I need to wait for looong.. looong..and loong time.. So I decided to left the room and went to China Town.. I just realised that Ministry of Manpower very near with China Town.. Usually we took the MRT for going there.. And today I found that China Town can be reach by 5 minutes walking.. Wow!

Today I got lost in China Town.. And.. I Love it.. It's very challenging when you were alone and getting lost somewhere that you didn't know before.. I found a lot of new and interesting things when I was lost.. I found a lot of new ways and short cut ways to go somewhere.. It's interesting! I love to get lost.. hehehe..

I already knew that our LC already have the new full team EB. I love to know the fact and very excited with that.. I feel sooo happy.. I believe they will make a great achievement this year.. And they will keep rocking AIESEC Indonesia..

It's my 4th year in AIESEC, I see a lot, I learn a lot, and I did a lot of things.. I still wanna do more here actually.. But, now I realise that I'm very old now.. I have another responsibility and another commitments.. (it's about Indonesian culture again actually..) So I need to have my life priorities.. I already decide something: I'll take the responsibilty and the commitments after my intership end.. And I still wanna do more in AIESEC based on my capacity.. (biar aku ga terlalu keracunan..hehehe).. I believe I still can make a change with all these limitations..hahaha..

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Happy days

Everything become so beautiful these days.. I never imagine that I will have a lot of fun here..

Sunday night, I met my old friend from India.. We are having a very good friendship since 2005. That night we went to Sentosa Beach.. We talked a lot and can't stop talking.. We talked about AIESEC, about our old friends, and about our love life.. hehehe.. Then we sat on the sand and enjoying a very beautiful night and saw the fireworks of Song of The Sea Theatre.. Then suddenly we felt that we need to do something fun and challenging.. Biasa kalo orang gila ketemu orang gila hasilnya muncullah pikiran-pikiran gak waras.. hehehe.. We just thought that it will be nice if we swim on the sea.. Then we just went to swim there even though both of us didn't have cloths for changing.. We swimming around 10pm-11pm. We did swimming competition until walking to the deepest part as far as we can.. When 11pm came, both of us got panicky, we need to reach the MRT before 12pm. So we run together to reach the train.. And at that time we still wet and had a lot of sands on our body.. hehehe..


Yesterday, we started to work in APGN Office.. We work with Sharon (MCP Singapore) and Rina (AP Project) there.. When the night came, we went to Holland Village for Natasha's Farewell party before she's going back to India.. My group table ordered around 4 types of pizza.. We tried to finished it all but it was very hard to do because the foods was too much compared with our stomach ability.. In the end of the dinner, Grace and Ishita gave a beautiful flowers for Natasha and wishing her to have a wider career opportunity in India.. After that there was a surprise..They anounce my birthday this month and want to celebrate it that night because they will be busy for exam in my real birthday. So happy!!! Everyone so nice here.. O ya one more thing..they gave me cheese birthday cake.. they are so nice.. I really love cheese and they knew it... hehehe.. Thanks all for this beautiful surprise!!!


Some other pics:
















Most Wanted: My Papiiii!!!!

Papiiiiii... Where are you now? I miss u sooo much.. I miss all your comments in my friendster's blog.. It's always deep, touchy, and meaningful.. Don't u miss me or our kids? hehehe.. Our family already broken because all of us getting busy with our own business (especially me! hehehe) Maapkan diriku ya papi Kiwil, aku tidak bisa menjadi istri yang baik.. hahahaha.. I miss your courage to make me happy always.. I miss your words to make me realize that this world is so wonderful and make me appreciating my life as a human being.. And thanks, you ever gave me beautiful moments in the past.. like always phoned me or noticed me when you found the night had a beautiful moon..I know you did it to make me feel happy.. thanks a lot!
You saved my life from bad people.. you never tired to took me home when I had night classes just to make sure that I was ok and nothing bad happen to me.. You make me feel that I have a freedom to fall in love with somebody.. It's nice to have a very good friend like you..
You give a lot to me, but I never give you something... Dan kayaknya aku sering menyia-nyiakan dirimu.. hehehe.. So sorry papi..

Thanks for always being there for me.. Thanks for making my life more meaningful.. and thanks for always being my good friend..I miss u.. where are u now? Wanna hear your news lately..