I talked about me..

I don't know what I should write rite now.. I think too much.. I have a lot of things on my mind.. Everything fighting inside of me and against each other.. I'm too tired to analyze what is best and what is worst.. I just don't want to do what other people think I need to do.. I'm struggling to find out about me, about what I want, and about what's best for me.. Even when I still don't know what to do then I just let it flow..

Sometimes I just stand here and don't want to move everywhere.. Just standing and keep quite.. Sometimes I push my self too hard and everything will be overloaded.. Sometimes I felt happy when I did the right thing and sometimes I felt terrible when I did the wrong thing.. And sometimes I felt nothing..

Assertiveness... This word always came out when I asked somebody to evaluate me.. I'm lack on this thing and I need to be more assertive.. That's what other people said about me.. I pushed my self to be more assertive, but then I felt that wasn't me at all.. If I still to be like this.. lack of assertiveness.. I won't be a better person.. I need to try harder for this..

The problem why I lack on this is because I always prioritize other people rather than my self.. I always wanna do something for other people and less of doing something that really good for my self.. I always wanna make other people happy and less of courage to make my self happy.. I think I need to think about my self more.. I need to understand more about my self.. understand really badly about what I want rather than always think about what I can do for other people..

No emotion.. that's the second word that people said when I asked them to evaluate my self. It's hard for me to show other people about my passion, my excitement, and etc.. It's hard for me to get mad to other people even when that people hurting me really badly.. I always keep everything inside.. my angriness, my happiness, and all my feeling.. I just feel like somebody who has her own world.. It's like there is a wall that really high between me and other people around me.. It's not good to keep everything inside.. I should learn to tell other people much things about me.. I should learn to express my feeling more and more and show it to other people.. yeah, I should learn to do it before everything that I keep inside for so long will be bursting one day..

I learn a lot and know a lot about understanding the different characteristics of other people, how the way they are thinking, how they will react in every condition, and etc.. I learn a lot and know a lot about that.. But, one thing that I miss is learning about my self and understanding about me deeply... I felt I know a lot about my self before, but then when I came here for my internship, I just realise that I know nothing about me.. I feel lost and starting again from the beginning to find the right direction for exploring my self.. I believe everything that happen to me now will bring me to a better place, better direction, and better way to achieve what I want in my life..

Okay.. it's good to be here.. A lot of things always come up into my mind.. A lot of things make me more really-really think.. A lot of things make me realize about everything that I never thought before..